


Chaotic Kiss(es)

by yuuskurage



Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: A Bunch of Swearing, Crack, Riko just wants to go home, Sort of AU, Yoshiko and Mari are basically crackheads, but yall can handle it, characters are sorta ooc but eh its fine i think, one shots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:06:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23572816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuuskurage/pseuds/yuuskurage
Summary: A series of one-shots and random short writings featuring the Guilty Kiss members doing what they do best.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	1. And so, we Unite, and Begin

**Author's Note:**

> Guilty Kiss has always screamed the words chaos and disaster to me, so I wrote these to have some fun with writing. That's it. The stories aren't necessarily connected to each other unless stated.
> 
> There's no update schedule. I'll update this as I throw up words and ideas onto a doc and call it finished.

It was an understatement for Riko to say that she was just having a simple case of the jitters. Her anxiety was burning her to the absolute core, her stomach feeling so heavy that she felt as if it were dragging and slowing her down as she walked down a rather empty part of Uranohoshi. Her footsteps echoed down the hall, and they pierced her ears like she just heard her death wish.

It would be fun, Chika said. We should do it, Chika also said. It would be fun, Chika said again.

God, what did she even agree to?

Approaching her destination, Riko gulped one last massive lump in her throat and grasped the cold doorknob. She could hear something on the other side. She entered.

There was a thick scent in the room, one that smelled of old wood and life. Riko closed the door behind her, hearing the soft click, and let go of the knob. She walked in, carefully, feeling something heavy in the room, or maybe it was her own stomach, which still felt heavy as hell with fear of the unknown. 

There was a nice view outside of the clubroom windows. A tree danced with the breeze of the wind, some of its leaves letting go and flying away to somewhere unknown. Riko liked this view a lot, and she could feel it soothing her soul as if she were being caressed gently. She pulled out a seat that was sitting beside the door, carried it to where she was around one foot away from the windows, and sat there in silence. It was the least she could do, she thought, as she waited for the others to come.

Maybe, she was just a bit too nervous to begin with. She expected her teammates in this sub-unit business to already be in the clubroom, probably doing something that was reckless and was a potential fire hazard not even a full 24-hours since they got the clubroom for their separate secretive (according to Chika at least) activities.

But, Riko thought, maybe she was just overestimating them. Perhaps, they know this and will calm down when they are together. Riko breathed in the scent of the clubroom with a small smile.

Maybe, this won’t be so bad-

“BOO BIT-”

Riko screamed for her life as she quickly got out of the chair in a blind panic and immediately had a clenched fist ripping through the air, aiming for, god forbid, whatever scared the living shit out of her. Her fist hit something hard, and once she realized what she hit, it was far too late. The source of her scare hit the floor, and laid there for a few seconds.

“H-h-h-holy shit…”

Yoshiko grabbed her right cheek in awe and in pain? Riko couldn’t tell. Small tears were coming out of her eyes.

Oh no.

“Tsushima-san!” Riko yelled, quickly getting on her knees and grasping a free hand. “I-I, oh my god...I’m sorry! I’m so, so, sorry!’

Yoshiko didn’t say a word as she silently put her hand on her now red cheek.

How stupid can she be? How can she forgive herself for doing something like this? Riko felt like the world was crumbling as tears began to fill her eyes. Hell, she grasped Yoshiko’s hand harder, not noticing the figure behind her slowly approaching until she-

“BoOo BiTcH”

Riko screamed yet again, letting go of Yoshiko’s hand and turning her body over towards the source of her screams. She let her body violently fall on Yoshiko’s stomach, the air being crushed out of her as she let out a suffocating and painful sound indicating her possible multiorgan failure as her stomach and the rest of her digestive system got crushed and her lung got punched out of air, all not being noticed by Riko herself, as she stared at the blonde culprit with wide eyes. 

Mari smiled at her and laughed.

“Gotcha~!” She said, as she leaned down and grabbed a lot of Riko’s hand and pulled her up from a dying Yoshiko. “Welcome, welcome!” 

Riko stood in complete silence as Mari looked behind her to check on Yoshiko, who was getting up from the floor while gasping for breath.

“Good job there, Yoshiko-chan!” Mari helped Yoshiko up by offering a hand, to which Yoshiko happily agreed. She then put a hand in her left skirt pocket and pulled out a couple of rolled up yen bills, looking like one of those scenes in movies where you would do some kind of sneaky ass drug exchange. Riko watched in disbelief. “This should be good payback. Should be enough for your medical bills, if that hit from Riko-chan cracked a jawbone!”

And as if nothing happened, Yoshiko beamed with light as she took the money as if nothing ever happened. The only sign of anything occurring was the fallen chair on the floor and a fat ass bulge forming on Yoshiko’s face. Riko clenched her first.

“You idiots!”


	2. Smashing!

Riko is dumbfounded and confused on how the hell Yoshiko convinced her to come over to her home as she stared at the TV screen while sitting in the middle of her bed. She was watching Mari getting her ass beat in a game of Smash Bros., just now losing another stock. She was down to one.

“Looks like Yohane will take the victory again!” Yoshiko exclaimed, with a giant smirk on her face. Riko looked at the screen. Her percent was pretty high, but all of her stocks were intact. “My power will guide me to the gateways of heaven!”

Riko just started at the screen, looking at the two characters fighting against each other at a rapid pace that she could barely keep up with. Then, she looked at a more relaxing view, eyeing both Mari and Yoshiko with their eyes glued to the screen as if their life depended on it.

In an instant, Riko could hear the announcer yell, “Game!”, and waited for Bayonetta’s victory theme to play in celebration of Yoshiko’s win as she let herself fall into the mattress and sink into the sheets. 

They at least smelled nice, like lavender, or maybe candy.

Instead, she can hear Palutena’s laugh along with the victory track playing and the announcer stating the obvious. Riko looked up in disbelief. Mari had her fist in the air.

“Fuck yeah~!” She said in her odd English. Yoshiko grabbed her hair and tried to pull it out of her scalp. 

“What the fuck?!” Yoshiko yelled, looking at the screen in absolute disbelief. “I had that game going for me!”

Mari laughed mischievously. Yoshiko took her hands out of her hair and instead grabbed Mari’s shoulders, her nails digging into her clothes and skin.

“You damn spammer! Don’t just spam counter!”

Mari stuck her tongue out at Yoshiko, who gave her an unnerving glare. She let go of her shoulders and instead grabbed her controller and threaten to hit Mari with it by holding it up in the air. Mari gave her one last smile before quickly jolting off the floor and out of Yoshiko’s room, with Yoshiko herself immediately running behind her, screaming like a warrior about to give off a devastating blow to the enemy. The sound of things being bumped and crashing to the ground was heard soon after.

Riko stared at the open door. She got out her phone and quickly sent her mom a message that she might be arriving home later than usual.

Getting off the bed, Riko walked out of Yoshiko’s room, ready to give them a punch in the gut or two.


	3. Riko Says

“Greetings, fuckers~!” Yoshiko yelled happily into the Guilty Kiss clubroom as Riko nearly went into cardiac arrest while reading a book, almost dropping the book on the floor. “How are my little demons doing?”

Yoshiko closed the door quickly. It was very clear she was happy today.

And it seemed like she wasn’t the only one.

“Why, things have never been better!” Mari yelled from the other side of the clubroom, making a peace sign with her fingers. “It’s time for our debut! We gotta come up with something good to go against AZALEA and CYaRon, something that will make the fucking world go, BAM!” She then made hand gestures, symbolizing an explosion. Riko looked over at Yoshiko, who had a stupid grin on her face.

“Good, good!” said Yoshiko, running over to Mari and high fiving her. She then flinched. “Ow! Shit that hurt!”

Riko sighed in frustration.

“Can you guys watch your language a little bit please?” she asked passive-aggressively as she placed her bookmark in between the pages. She then closed her book and set it on the table. “You guys swear like sailors.”

“Hmm…?” Mari and Yoshiko both hummed. Riko looked at them with a dull look.

“Wait, Riko-san, have you ever…” Yoshiko pauses for a brief moment to lower her voice and to form tension in the air. “...said the word…’fuck’, before?”

Riko doesn’t react. Her dull face still remains.

“No,” She says dryly. “I haven’t.”

Yoshiko smirked, still keeping up with the Yohane act.

“Ohh, so, by any chance, can you-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence.”

“Aw, damn it!” Yoshiko pouts, to which it looks kinda cute, as if Riko would admit that outloud. “Come on! Say fuck!”

“Look, Yoshiko-”

“Yohane!”

“Yohane-san,” Riko sighs and starts to get up from her seat. “I don’t really care that you guys say language like that around me. If that makes you guys comfortable, go for it, just please don’t swear too much, though that request seems impossible for you two, but at least try. And also, don’t get me involved, alright? That kind of language doesn’t make me comfortable. When I say it it makes me feel like I’m burning my tongue.”

“Wait, wait, hold the hell up,” Yoshiko holds a hand in front of Riko. “I thought you said you never said those words before?”

“Uh, well,” Riko pauses. She grabs onto the edges of the table and looks down. “Well, maybe a few times, now that I think about it, but-”

“Just say fuck!”

“No!”

Yoshiko strikes a pose from the other side of the table as Mari watches this unfold with a cheeky grin. 

“I, Yohane, command you, my most elite little demon, to say the angel’s forbidden words so your purity falls from grace!”

Riko shakes her head and lightly hits the table with both her hands. “I said, I don't want to!”

Mari leaves the corner of the room and gets close to Yoshiko. Riko could already tell that this was about to get even worse.

“Heyy, Riko-chan, come on now, say the word fuck~!”

“Oh my g-, not you too!”

“Say it!” The two say together, with eyes sparkling like crystals. Riko found that slightly disturbing.

“No.”

“Say it!” They said again.

“No!”

“SAY IT!” They both scream. Riko has a flaming inner desire to grab the chair she was once sitting on and smack the living shit out of them with it. But, she resists, thankfully. Yoshiko’s and Mari’s life could have ended there. 

“Okay, okay, fine, FINE.” She finally gives in. The two idiots on the other side celebrate together with a fist in the air. Riko facepalms herself, wondering how the actual hell she lets these two peer-pressure her like this.

Riko breathes out heavily and breathes in just as hard. Mari and Yoshiko stand there in silence, ears carefully listening for their precious Riko to say the naughty word, as if they were kids and just realized that the word fuck exists.

“F-f-fff” Riko stutters.

“You can do it!” Mari and Yoshiko whisper from the other side. They then start chanting Riko’s name quietly, to give the red head (and now in this case red face since her face was growing a blush) some encouragement.

“F-Fuck.”

The room goes silent. Riko feels like she’s about to die.

“Louder! Mari yells. Riko jumps a little bit and nearly falls down on the floor.

“Fuck!”

“LOUDER!” says Yoshiko, trying to get Riko to get out of her comfort zone.

“FUCK!”

“SCREAM IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!” Mari yells. A few birds outside start to fly away, either from Mari’s scream or something unknown.

Riko screams the word fuck as if her life depended on it, her fist clenched and her eyes closed shut. Mari and Yoshiko start chanting again and begin to lose their shit. Riko stops, feeling like some odd power had come over her, and snorted a little bit, but Mari and Yoshiko couldn’t hear, as they were both yelling together.

They then came over to the other side of the table and pulled Riko into a massive bear hug, and she felt like both her body and soul were being crushed. 

“Alright, Yoshiko! Get her feet! I’ll get the head!”

Riko wants to say something, but her words just end up being screams and both Mari and Yoshiko lift her up from the ground and try to throw her up, but Yoshiko gets hit in the face by Riko’s shoe as it slips off in the air and hits her right in the nose. Riko’s lower body hits the floor, with Mari at least catching her upper body so she wouldn’t have a concussion.

“G-god, you’re fucking h-heavy!”

Riko wants to protest as she is being lowered to the floor, but she could hear something to the right of them.

The clubroom door opens with a creak.

“Hey, um…” said someone. Riko looks over and sees Kanan peeking through the opening she made for herself. She has a rather awkward expression on her face, looking as if she was trying to figure out what to do. “Is everything okay here? I mean...I think I just heard Riko yell the word ‘fuck’ down the hallway and Dia’s starting to get pissed off.”

Riko’s eyes widened in response. If there is a worse death than brain damage, then it was one done in the hands of Dia. She knew that CYaRon’s club room was further down the hall from AZALEA’s, but Dia would do anything to prevent Ruby’s innocence from being destroyed by such shameful acts.

“Oh! Um!” Mari starts to panic a little bit and throws her hands up in the air. Riko’s upper body falls to the ground, her head hitting the cold floor with a loud ass thump.

“FUCK!” she yells, immediately sitting up and grabbing the back of her head. The room goes silent. Mari looks at Riko with widened eyes, then at Kanan, then at an almost deceased Yoshiko, who once again fell victim to her own curse. She sits up slowly, not saying a word, moving the shoe she got wacked with to the side. Mari looks back at Kanan again and smiles.

Kanan looks out into the hallway then turns back to Mari. 

“Hey, Dia is coming down the hallway. I’d suggest you run, or something, before she beats you dead. I’ll give you some time, just get going.” Kanan slams the door behind her and the clubroom once again falls into silence.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fUCK, FUCK-” Mari goes into a panic, immediately racing to one of the larger windows and quickly undos the lock at the top. She slides the window up with a loud slam, pulls in the closest chair and immediately jumps out. Riko watches Mari as she slides out and falls to the ground on her back, while grabbing her lost shoe from beside Yoshiko, who has also been looking, though probably at something else.

“Mari-san! I can see your panties!” Yoshiko yells as she gets up, still rubbing her nose. Mari says something, but isn’t aubile enough for either her or Riko to understand. By the time Yoshiko starts jogging towards the chair, Riko is already there, climbing out of the clubroom as fast as she could.

“Ohh, damn,” Yoshiko stares as she waits her turn, watching Riko slip through and fall on her face in the grass. “That’s some guilty gear you got undern-”

“Shut up and get your ass, OUT.” she says as she brushes dirt off her now crushed nose. She sees Yoshiko’s arms and head peek through, and Riko pulls her out, just in time before she could hear the clubroom door being slammed open, probably making a hole in the wall. That would be a pain to cover up later.

Mari had already started running, and both Riko and Yoshiko followed along, running as fast as their legs could take them. The air was plagued with the smell of the ocean. Riko could hear Dia yelling out the window, and her trying to resist Kanan’s attempt at saving the three.

Where they were running to, Riko didn’t know. She was just-

She was just having fun, that’s all. But, that’s not something she could admit easily. Either way, she had a massive grin on her face while running behind her teammates.

She was glad they never looked back. She wouldn’t hear the end of it if they did.


	4. Group Chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why did i create this why did i create this why did i

On a Saturday evening, Riko was sitting on the sofa in her living room, watching some kind of weird game show that this particular channel likes to air at this time of day. Though it was now on commercial break.

She takes out her phone, thinking of maybe taking the time to play a game that she had been into recently. Though, before she could execute that thought, a notification pops up at the top of the screen. Riko squints.

_ [Ohara Mari created a group DM] _

Oh god.

Riko wants to slide the box up so that she doesn’t see those words again and put her phone on mute, and maybe throw it out the window for reassurance. Though, she accidently clicks on it, and her screen goes white as the messaging app boots up. Riko screams internally a little, and begins to pray in her head.

Once the app loads and everything displays, she sees that in those few seconds after clicking that notification, there was already a bunch of stuff to read over.

_ [Ohara Mari added Tsushima Yoshiko] _

_ [Ohara Mari changed the group name to ‘tiddy munchers’] _

_ [Ohara Mari changed her nickname to ‘hot single in your area’] _

_ [Ohara Mari changed Tsushima Yoshiko’s nickname to ‘artificial satan’] _

_ [Ohara Mari changed Sakurauchi Riko’s nickname to ‘flamin’ hot cheetos’] _

[artificial satan: the fuck is this]

[artificial satan: you fool, i am satan]

[artificial satan: i will personally go over to your massive barbie doll playhouse and burn it to the ground]

Riko sighs. She starts to type.

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Mari, why did you name me this way?]

[artificial satan: bRO i just now noticed your nickname lmaoooo]

[hot single in your area: its because u are just like a flamin’ hot cheeto riko]

[hot single in your area: tasty]

[hot single in your area: unresistable]

[hot single in your area: and HOT]

[hot single in your area: also, yoshiko-chan, bet. im outside rn. come here bitch]

[artificial satan: mari its been like two minutes stop being gay]

[artificial satan: riko isn’t even responding, you murdered her]

[artificial satan: she can’t handle it]

Yoshiko was right. Riko’s heart was doing flips right now.

[artificial satan: also, yeah, coming right now. gonna go beat cho ass]

[artificial satan: nvm my mom said no]

[hot single in your area: hahHAHAHHHAHHAHDHAHAHHA]

[hot single in your area: JUST JUMP OUT THE WINDOW OR SOMETHING]

[artificial satan: dude i live in an aparTMENT COMPLEX.]

[artifical satan: ill fucking DIE]

[artificial satan: if i die my little demons will become depressed without my presence]

[hot single in your area: but your sATAN YOU CAN’T dIE DUMBASS]

[artificial satan: THAT WAS A JOKE]   
  
[flamin’ hot cheetos: *you’re]

[artificial satan: are you serious]

[artifical satan: the ONE time riko texts back in the group chat after like 2 minutes is to correct my spelling]

[artificial satan: riko please talk we love you :((((]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Prove it.]

[hot single in your area: holy shit oooO]

[artificial satan: i dONT KNOW HOW BUT TRUST ME PLEASE]

[hot single in your area: aw yoshiko chan why dont u give her a kiss~]

[artificial satan: mari, NO]

[artificial satan: does it look like i have the balls to do that]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Yoshiko you don’t even have balls to begin with.]

[hot single in your area: pffFFFFFFTTTT]

[artificial satan: oh my god]

[hot single in your area: HAHHAOHISHHAHA]

[artificial satan: im hurt]

[artificial satan: help]

[artificial satan: riko that hurt sweet jesus]

[artificial satan: im dyin]

[artificial satan: guys]

[artificial satan: gUYS]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: No.]

[hot single in your area: lmao bye]

[artificial satan: i hate you guys]

[artificial satan: im not letting you two play on my switch ever again]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Okay, I never really played on your switch anyway.]

[hot single in your area: u just want a excuse to stop my winning streak in mario kart]

[artificial satan: no i don’t]

[hot single in your area: and smash bros]

[hot single in your area: and 1 2 switch]

[hot single in your area: and arms]

[artificial satan: shut the fuck up]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Hey, Mari-san, do you have a switch at home?]

[hot single in your area: i dont but i play with kanan a lot and she always beats me :(]

[artificial satan: i will personally drown you in fucking holy water]

[hot single in your area: at least i can beat yoshiko’s ass]

[hot single in your area: even if her ass is pretty fucking flat]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Oh yeah, I agree.]

[artificial satan: wow]

[artificial satan: ill make sure to put expired flowers on both your graves]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Ooooo scary.]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Looking forward to it so I can go and haunt you for literal life.]

[hot single in your area: holy shit riko the fact u put periods and shit in your sentences makes that statement far more scary than it should be]

[artificial satan: okay sike everyone does anyone wanna meat up]

[artificial satan: *meet]

[hot single in your area: i can’t sorryyyy i have to do some things at the school today]

[hot single in your area: as your uranohoshi cult leader]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: You do mean director, right?]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Also Yoshiko, I thought you couldn’t go out?]

[artificial satan: my ma just left. also, its yohane]

[artificial satan: ill be heading to uchiura in a bit, feed me mortal]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: What?]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Yoshiko, I didn’t even give consent for you to come over to my house.]

[artificial satan: but your mom is out right?]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: How do you know?]

[artificial satan: i know because your mom works in the same area as my mom and theyre gonna travel to tokyo and shit for business]

[artificial satan: pleassseeeeeee let me stay im love you]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Fine, okay, you can come over.]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Just please for the love of God, don’t nuke my house or something.]

[artificial satan: bruh what the fuck i wont]

[artificial satan: we’re close so its fine if i get to mess around a bit but i wont do that]

[artificial satan: btw were gonna smash]

Riko pauses, rather shocked with a growing heavy feeling in her stomach.

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Yoshiko, I know you say we’re close, but I’m not doing that with you.]

[hot single in your area: i leave for 3 minutes and then this happens this is getting spicy]

[artificial satan: but we already did it??]

Riko blushes even more at that.

[hot single in your area: pFT]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: You’re giving Mari the wrong idea!! We haven’t, and we will never!]

[artificial satan: bro i dont get it]

[artificial satan: OH]

[artificial satan: oh my god im so stupid]

[artificial satan: SMASH, like SMASH BROS]

[artificial satan: noT SEX]

[artificial satan: wait what the fuck riko you were thinking i was gonna have sex with you?!]

At this point Riko’s mental health plummeted to hell and found herself breaking down. Her face was nearly the color of her hair.

[flamin’ hot cheetos: NO]

[hot single in your area: omg yess you diddd]

[artificial satan: holy shit thats-]

[hot single in your area: kinda hot]

[artificial satan: oh my god mARI SHUT THE FUCK UP]

[artificial satan: anyway forgot it im coming over]

[artificial satan: ill text you when i get off the bus]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: You’re staying the night right? It’s pretty late so I assume.]

[artificial satan: ohh yeah i will. ill bring whatever i need]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: I don’t have a futon though, so do you mind sleeping somewhere else?]

[artificial satan: yeah anywhere is fine as long as you don’t make me fucking sleep outside]

[hot single in your area: omg you fucKING useless lesbians just sleep together already]

[artificial satan: oh my god mari i swear if you weren’t the group chat admin i would have kicked you out of this group chat along with your shins]

[artificial satan: your scaring riko]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: *you’re]

[artificial satan: alright thats it. riko be ready to dodge 100 of my punches when you open the front door]

[artificial satan: heading out, text you when i get there]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Okay. Also, you better not or I will make you sleep outside.]

[hot single in your area: okay guys ill make sure to get footage of you guys fucking]

[hot single in your area: ill be nearby soon so ill say hi, even if you guys are naked or not]

[flamin’ hot cheetos: Mari, I will report you to the police.]

* * *

**_PM: Yohane (Tsushima Yoshiko)_ **

[mommy: pstt hey yoshiko]

[Yohane: what the fuck do you want shithead]

[mommy: do u have a crush on rikocchi by any chance]

[Yohane: WHAT]

[Yohane: UM]

[mommy: you can keep your deepest darkest secrets with mommy ohara]

[Yohane: what the fuck that is such a bad way to put it but okay fine]

[Yohane: only because i know that your going to harass and blackmail me if i deny]

[Yohane: yes]

[Yohane: i do]

[Yohane: one word out of your ass and i will beat it]

[mommy: beat riko’s ass instead ;)]

[Yohane: NO. what the fuck do you think she is, a masochist?]

[mommy: you never knowww]

[Yohane: please dont put disturbing images in my mind. mari im literally only 15 years old]

[Yohane: my bus is almost here i saw it pass by on the street across from the one im at]

[Yohane: ill talk to you later]

[mommy: k]

[mommy: have fun~]

[Yohane: i will]

[Yohane: don’t quote me on that]


End file.
